For some time I may neglect this blog. Let say, I was busy with my real life. I didn’t have time to spend one or two hours to sit in front of my laptop and start typing, giving you updates what have happened to me recently. Okay, just kidding. I know you don’t think news from me is such an important thing. But, hey, being a pompous one is quite delightful sometimes. To add additional reasons—and it seems these are the prime ones—which are being lazy, having no ideas what was to write, and simply losing passion of blogging, inhibit me from updating this blog.
But now, I’ve been trying so hard to dispose all those inhibitors. I am forcing myself to sit in front of my laptop—accompanied by three dictionaries—with one determination: I have to write something. My mind has been so full with junks that it can make me feel distressed enough. And to clean that junks out of my mind, I need a media to help me clean it. I need a place to pour every thing down. I need catharsis. I need my blog.
These past few weeks were a time when I felt a disappointment. A place that I thought was a home to me was nothing more than just an ordinary place. I thought it was a special place. It’s special because I’ve found my happiness there. I succeeded to treasure that I had something to be good at, something that I can be proud of. It was futsal. There I practice, laugh, do silly things with my friends, and more. I was so happy to be amongst my friends at futsal club, but now… I don’t know.
It all started with one championship that was held at my university. I won’t tell you much about it since I’m starting to forget my disappointment already. But, all I can tell you is I’d prefer be a spectator supporting my friends, who were representing my faculty at that championship, to be a player whose name wasn’t even written in the line-up.
When you’re called to be part of a team, but later you’d find out that your name was not in the line-up list, what would you feel? If you ask me, I will answer: I feel sad. I’m truly disappointed. Who isn’t, anyway? Hence, I ask myself, if it was a part of coach’s strategy that my team would only need one goalkeeper then why was I called to be at the team? I was happy, I was ready physically and mentally for any matches, and I came to the court with one purpose: TO BE A WINNER. But later, coach had a decision that my name wasn’t in the line-up for the last two matches (FYI, I played at the first match). Somehow I had to respect it even though I couldn’t deny that I was sad. I was completely sad. But then again, I had to respect my coach and all decisions he made.
So, by keeping this sadness and disappointment won’t change anything. My team was still the winner with or without me. Then, I should move on and forget the disappointment. The least I could do, I would try to fathom what messages are behind this. What could I gain from this experience? To be more trying to accept that life doesn't always go on my way? To be more mature? To be wiser? Go figure, Kimi.