Three and a half years ago, my friend sent a text message to me telling me that my name was on the list in "pengumuman SPMB" (bahasa inggrisnya opo yo? hehehehe...). I was accepted at psychology faculty University of Indonesia. When I told my father and asked his permission, he looked he didn’t like the news. In fact, he told me to forget about it and asked me to continue studying accounting at University of Lampung. I felt anger instantly. At that moment, I hated my father. So, I locked myself at my bedroom, I didn’t say any words to my father, I was completely alienated myself from my parents, particularly from my father.
But then, I remembered I had a dream which was I wanted to study outside my hometown. I dreamed of continuing my study at UI. I wanted to expand myself and find new experiences. And somehow I had to bring my dream into reality. For that I studied hard preparing myself for the battle to get my dream. But, when I finally got my dream, would I let it slip away through my fingers? Hell, no. Would my father change his mind and let me pursue my dream if I stayed at my room and kept quiet? Of course not. So, with a blessing from my sisters, I fled my house and went to my sister’s house at Jakarta. For the first time in my life, I acted rebellious against my father.
Three and a half years since that event, now I’m already at my final year at the university. It so occurs to me how fast the time has flown by. I look deep inside of me and see how I’ve been changing. I once had a dream that I really wished to fulfill. I lived my life with enthusiasm because I knew I had a purpose. But now, I’ve changed. I don’t know how to live a life with enthusiasm anymore.
Like most of university students in their final year, I become clouded with unclear future. What will I do after my graduation? Will I get a job straight away after my transcript is handed down to me? What kind of job that I really want? Will I survive in a real world? Will I this? Will I that? Conclusion: the future becomes vague and it makes me fear it. Not to mention I have yet started my minithesis. Good Lord.
Oh, it seems that I have undermined my self-esteem that is already in a low point. I feel incompetence, have no future (it is so dark to me), and I feel that I’m nothing more than just a mediocre student. I feel so small. :(
Guess I need a booster to lift my self-esteem up again.